Communication Problem in Relationship
Do you find yourself arguing about the same things over and over again in your relationship? Do you find yourself venting to your friends time and time again about your wife or husband? If you ask your friends, I bet they can tell you before you even start speaking what this long dreaded phone conversation is going to be about.
Now that you’ve thought about it, have you ever asked yourself why after all of these years nothing has changed? Why are you in a looping cycle of the same old disagreements?
Well there are 2 schools of thought here. Some would say “well people are who they are” so don’t expect them to change. However, the other school of thought could be that maybe you both just aren’t doing enough to resolve your issues. Following are some reasons those arguments have and will remain unless you do something about it:
You are ever hearing but never LISTENING
Sometimes what you HEAR is her nagging but if you were truly listening what she is really asking for is you to make certain things in your household a priority and to make here a priority.
Sometimes what you hear is him being insecure but if you were listening you would see it’s really him just asking for a little more appreciation and respect.
Sometimes things never change because although we are hearing with our ears we aren’t focusing on what is it means coming from the other person.
You refuse to admit your role in the disagreements
The truth of the matter is it’s not ALWAYS the other person’s fault and the more time we spend blaming the further away we stay from solutions. If you are truly interested in changing, one of the easiest things you can do to decrease defensiveness is to admit your role in the situation.
Take a self-assessment before you give a mate-assessment.
I know all too well what it means to let pride get in the way and to let it perpetuate the “stubborn” narrative. The problem is that it can be detrimental to a relationship or a marriage.
Some of us will fight to the death even if we know we are wrong and it drives a wedge between us and our mates. Cut the childlike, stubborn attitude and embrace the adult attitude that allows you to admit when you are wrong.
You’re more focused on WINNING than COMPROMISING
Your relationships shouldn’t be a competition because you are both supposed to be playing for the same team. It’s really hard to win in your relationship if you are busy trying to win against one another.
Wanting to one up your mate will lead to more losing than winning. Being able to say “I told you so” won’t solve the issue at hand and being happy with proving your partner wrong does nothing but push you further away from compromising.
If we are keeping it honest, a lot of us got into marriage for what it could do for us instead of what we could do for someone else. You feel like it’s your way or the highway. You also feel that if the other person doesn’t conform to your way of thinking, then he or she must be the wrong one.
Bottom line is you’re selfish and because you’re selfish you won’t make the changes that might need to be made in order to make your relationship work. SO WHAT you’ve “always been that way.”
Well, maybe now the seasons have changed in your relationship and you might need to adjust. Maybe you need to be more considerate, understanding, selfless, and open. Maybe at this point your relationship might call for you playing a different “role” than you were used to. The only thing that is constant is change and you must be open to that in order to have longevity in your relationship.
Related: How considering your spouse’s point of view will literally change your marriage
The point of this article is not to leave you feeling that you’re all wrong, but to have you hold up a mirror so that you can see some of the things that you might be ignoring. Your relationship might be suffering and you might never come to solutions and compromises because of some of the things discussed here.
Healthy relationships take two people willing to work, listen, and adjust. Oh, and finally have some GOOD things to discuss when you call your friend up and speak about your mate!