I’m stubborn. My husband is stubborn. My daughter (who’s 3) is stubborn. My son is stubborn.
We’re just a bunch of stubborn folks and it’s a miracle anything in our house gets done. We all dig our feet in and we hold on ’til the sun comes up. No exceptions.
But we really do want to change. We really do. We want to be kind and considerate and able to compromise when necessary. We’re making slow and steady progress, but we’re making progress nonetheless.
I’ve learned to:
1) Really look at what I’m holding on to. Am I being stubborn because, well, that’s what I always do? Do you always look to prove your point and you will continue arguing the same points or saying the same thing in different ways until the other person tires of your foolishness and gives up. If this sounds like you, STOP. Move on to #2.
2) Figure out if I’m right. No need being stubborn if I’m on the side of a losing argument. Of course, I THINK I’m right, but let me step outside of my perspective. Put yourself in your spouse’s (or whoever you’re dealing with) shoes. If you were in their position, does it make sense to you? If it does, then hone in on the parts that are really important to you and skip the rest.
3) Acknowledge the other person’s argument. No one likes feeling like they aren’t being heard. We all want someone to say to us, “You know what? That makes perfect sense. I understand what you’re saying.” Find a piece of their argument and praise it. They’ll see your concession as a way to loosen up a bit, and you’ll both get more of what you want.